Thursday, July 05, 2007
Who's Attached to Whom, Parents or Children?
I'm at home by myself this weekend as my son went to 3-days competitive touch football in Sunshine Coast, about 2 hours drive from where we live with his friends. One of his team mates' dad took him up there for me. They left Wednesday night and will be back Sunday afternoon.
While I enjoy my own time to myself, I can't help noticing a little bit of emptiness in me. I'm a single mum for last 9 years. Unfortunately my ex who is my son's father decided not to see his son after he re-married and started his new family about 7 years ago. I moved to Australia when my son was 6 months old with my ex. All my family members are still in my home country. So, we had only each other for last 7 years and understandably we have developed a good friendship between us as well as mother-and-son relationship.
Now, I clearly remember that I thought to myself that I need something I can be passionate about in my life so I won't feel lost when my child/children left me, and I prefer to have more than one child to help me not to attach to him/her too much. I decided that only because I saw how my own mother reacted when we, my sister and myself, left our parents home. She was devastated. She wanted us to come back and live somewhere very close to our parents' home. (My sister and I both left our home town and went to Tokyo about 2 hours drive away from there for our college/university, and stayed there for our work after graduation.) She was lost for a long time and it was very sad for us to see her being like that.
She was a typically traditional Japanese house wife, who was dedicated to looking after children and her husband as well as our home, and she was very good at it. As she was so dedicated to being a good mother, when her children left her she didn't know what to do. She still had her husband who is our dad, but she still felt so lost and cried her eyes out for long time. I didn't want that. I wanted to be prepared.
I knew that one day my son will leave me because that's what I did to my parents. Look at myself. I don't even live in the country they live in. Mom wasn't happy at all when I decided to move out from the country, of course, but I did it anyway. I don't want to sabotage my son's life experience or make him feel guilty about choosing what he really wants to do. Unfortunately, my life didn't work out the way I planned or I thought I planned, and I ended up not having more than one kid but only son and he is so precious to me.
My logical side says to me the things I figured out over the years but my emotional side was having a little problem with the idea of letting him go. He is still too little to go just yet, but the time will come eventually, I know. He'll need more and more of his own time as he grows up. So, I am in training of letting him go whenever he goes away for few days. I am sure there are lots of mums out there feeling the same way. Is there?
While I enjoy my own time to myself, I can't help noticing a little bit of emptiness in me. I'm a single mum for last 9 years. Unfortunately my ex who is my son's father decided not to see his son after he re-married and started his new family about 7 years ago. I moved to Australia when my son was 6 months old with my ex. All my family members are still in my home country. So, we had only each other for last 7 years and understandably we have developed a good friendship between us as well as mother-and-son relationship.
Now, I clearly remember that I thought to myself that I need something I can be passionate about in my life so I won't feel lost when my child/children left me, and I prefer to have more than one child to help me not to attach to him/her too much. I decided that only because I saw how my own mother reacted when we, my sister and myself, left our parents home. She was devastated. She wanted us to come back and live somewhere very close to our parents' home. (My sister and I both left our home town and went to Tokyo about 2 hours drive away from there for our college/university, and stayed there for our work after graduation.) She was lost for a long time and it was very sad for us to see her being like that.
She was a typically traditional Japanese house wife, who was dedicated to looking after children and her husband as well as our home, and she was very good at it. As she was so dedicated to being a good mother, when her children left her she didn't know what to do. She still had her husband who is our dad, but she still felt so lost and cried her eyes out for long time. I didn't want that. I wanted to be prepared.
I knew that one day my son will leave me because that's what I did to my parents. Look at myself. I don't even live in the country they live in. Mom wasn't happy at all when I decided to move out from the country, of course, but I did it anyway. I don't want to sabotage my son's life experience or make him feel guilty about choosing what he really wants to do. Unfortunately, my life didn't work out the way I planned or I thought I planned, and I ended up not having more than one kid but only son and he is so precious to me.
My logical side says to me the things I figured out over the years but my emotional side was having a little problem with the idea of letting him go. He is still too little to go just yet, but the time will come eventually, I know. He'll need more and more of his own time as he grows up. So, I am in training of letting him go whenever he goes away for few days. I am sure there are lots of mums out there feeling the same way. Is there?
